I've had a lot of time on my hands to do some thinking and praying recently. With Nicholas' end to nursing, I have spent my nights, rocking him quietly in his room until he is relaxed, and what a perfect time to be thankful for my many blessings.
With all the sickness that has been passing through this house the past month, I found myself praying each night that nothing else would happen. That my children and family would become well. That everything would all turn out okay. But I also found myself thankful that we were having nothing more than ear infections and stomach viruses.
I have pondered the words of the Lord's Prayer, "Thy will be done", over and over, and truly wonder how many times I have said them and not really meant it. For me, control is a big issue. I have this need to control all parts of my life. How hard it is to give that control up to God. Yet, I know that in order to find that inner peace and ultimately relax more, I need to leave what happens up to God. He won't test me beyond what I am capable of handling. I know this.
So for now, I am continuing my nighttime reflections. And especially focusing on those 4 difficult but special words. For me, this is a challenge, but a worthwhile one.